Kind of like adding spinach to smoothies.
They are on screens already, why not try to make it educational?
I wrote a version of this post in November 2020 - a solid 9 months into the pandemic when it was clear everything had changed. Our now almost 14 year old was 11, our now 11 year was 8 - one was doing Zoom school and the other at school but playdates and gatherings weren’t happening, the smoke from the fires forced us even farther indoors and our parenting mantra was reduced to “whatever”. I recently re-read the post and realized I need the reminder in this message now because we have an 11 year old again and I am noticing the same change and transition into this pre-teen world and it was helpful to remember those months and how tech became a lifeline. I have edited the original post a little to take it out of the pandemic context but you can read the original post here. Perhaps too this post was part of my first steps of rethinking tech, how we use it and how I feel about it.
It's was a Friday evening and at one point we were each zoned into some kind of device - in 4 different rooms. It had turned into the Friday night ritual as the weekend-only video game flood gates opened around 3pm on Friday afternoons and the warm long days of summer that kept us outside well past dinner time are over. Adjusting, adapting, changing, adapting again. It's just what continues to be part of 2020.
Yesterday at dinner, our 11 year old said "Do you notice how when you get older you play with toys less and that the toys turn into computer stuff more?" Yes, we have noticed. His Lego days are over and though he is still very much into tinkering and building things and will still get on the floor to play cars with his 8 year old brother, the shift to being a big kid, the kind that goes to middle school happened, even if he had never set foot in a 6th grade classroom. Part of the challenge of that year was adapting to the social and changing needs of an 11 year old pre-teen boy and not having any of the social and active groups and activities available. He is a social young man who thrives on interactions with others. And for him, Zoom school sucked. It just did. I know there are children who are thriving and navigating Zoom school ok and maybe even with success and joy but our 6th grade boy is not. His teachers are really good but being 1 of 30 on a crowded screen is perpetuating his struggles with attention and paying attention to details, it is squelching his curiosity, it is indulging his "just do the bare minimum" attitude and it is not giving him the thing he really wants and needs most which is engagement with other kids his age. So as we navigated more months of distance learning, shorter days of winter and still erring on the side of caution, we had to keep figuring this out and figuring out how to have tech be part of it.
Most of his 11-12 year old boy friends were on some sort of gadget for much of the afternoon and weekend. And let me say this: it was 100% totally ok. It just was. It's not ideal, it's not what we collectively want for our kids but it was ok. And while it was ok, I heard many parents who weren’t really feeling ok with it but didn’t have the energy, time, discipline, or bandwidth to do anything about it. Having to rethink everything, including after-school programs and weekend activities, was exhausting and without an end point to a global health crisis that was only supposed to take 6 weeks and more restrictions on the horizon, parents felt discouraged and demoralized and totally over it. With many normal after-school classes canceled and rising numbers in COVID cases again (or still depending on where you are), in October 2020, it was still time to err on the side of caution and therefore stay home and stay safe.
Indian Summer in the Bay Area offered us plenty of opportunities to be outside. But with the smoke from the fires, the time change and now wet weather, I was thinking a lot about how to deal with the afternoons and weekends with 2 boys who needed to get their bodies moving but who would rather just be allowed to play Roblox all the time. We had a no video game rule from M-Th and before noon on the weekends and they didn’t have their own devices which already put some limits on tech use. Clear no grey area rules made it easier to follow the rules in our house (they still do) - a lesson we learned through experience while traveling. The "But it's not fair because so-and-so gets to play all the time?" statements creep in occasionally and the lobbying to change rules heats up but most of the time everyone accepts these tech boundaries. If you want less tech (or different tech) in your home, decide what you and your partner are able to be realistically disciplined and consistent about, what rules you are willing to enforce and then start a conversation with your kid(s) and see what suggestions they come up with and work on it with them. They might actually surprise you.
Due to the pandemic, change in seasons and interests of our son (anything tech related) we decided that in planning after-Zoom school and weekend activities, it wasn't about forbidding tech but about finding ways to use tech that are meaningful, interesting to him and maybe even educational (like sneaking spinach into smoothies.) So I started to explore the internet, for online classes, ideas and suggestions and I started to use what I learned about project based learning to come up with different themes based on what the boys were learning in school. Do you know how much info you can find online on the California Missions? Other themes I explored were kindness, art, coding, kids who are changing the world, justice system, voting in the US, cooking and nature exploration to just name a few. You can explore the parent vetted/kid approved choices on over on my ReThinking Tech: Learning Online Padlet.
Here are some of things of the other ideas we came up with together with our then 11 year old that I am embracing now again with our now 11 year old:
Find something your pre-teen really wants to learn and then look on Outschool.
Outschool offers online classes in so many subjects including drawing, 3D drawing, art, coding, cooking, theater and so much more. More Zoom calls in the afternoon may not be the solution for your child or family but I have found that our son can stay engaged in a Zoom call when he has chosen the content or if he loves the content. And so many kids are loosing their love of learning so it's important to find subjects they want to learn about - even if it doesn't interest you at all. Find what makes their eyes sparkle - doesn't matter if its Dungeons and Dragons, learning to design skateboards or building a keyboard that lights up.
Ask your pre-teen if there is something he/she/they wants to learn about and then find a few online classes that would allow them to learn that. Our son has some 3D modeling classes and is now learning to build a PC using instructional videos on YouTube. It means he is watching YouTube and looking at a screen more but the time online has a purpose and he is fully engaged.
Some class ideas on Outschool:
Coding, History of the the US using Hamilton, How Hamilton was made, Photography, Stop motion, 3D design, Gaming (Dungeons & Dragon, Roblox, etc), Song writing or learning an instrument, TikTok dances, Art Appreciation, 20th century inventions, Famous Composers, Food growing/vegetable gardens, Architecture, Geography, Science/chemistry
Stuck for ideas? If your child into cooking or storytelling or science, there are countless hours of content where they actually learn something. Leave a comment with a theme and I will respond with some places to look and a few ideas!
Try coding with MV Code.
Again, more time on the screen may not be what your pre-teen needs or what you want but if they are going to be on the screen, they might as well be learning something. MV Code offers online coding classes and graphics classes. You can also check for a coding program in your community that is offering online classes. This might be way to connect safely with other same age kids in your community.
Let them make a YouTube Channel.
Yup, that's right. Let them pick a topic and let them figure out how to do it. Content can be videos or actual movies they make with iMovie or other movie apps. Some kids have access to apps on their school provided iPads that they don't have at home so let them make the best of having that access. This is learning that will be totally relevant and useful for them while teaching them a new skill.
Play around in iMovie, GarageBand or PhotoShop.
When I was 12, my friends who were boys made movies - with a video camera and remote control cars and props made of cardboard. I think one even included someone's pet hamster in one of the remote control cars. Nothing has really changed - the filming and editing part just got a whole lot easier! There are so many apps and programs these days that let users become proficient in all kinds of cool technologies. Making movies, making stop motion films, and making music electronically has never been easier and I am continually blown away at the content that our 11 year old is able to create. Schools are using many of these programs in their distance learning approaches so getting comfortable with creative technologies is good planning for the future.
Suggestion: Instead of a paper holiday card make a family movie of 2023 to share with relatives and family. Let your kids choose the still photos, video clips and the music. Seeing the year through their eyes may be the perfect way to wrap up each year.
Create a Roblox/Minecraft (or other gamer) Zoom call.
The thing with Roblox and Minecraft is that you can play in the same world or game together making it a very social experience, if you let it. Over the summer 2020, our son was invited by one of his friends to start playing Roblox together via Zoom. This introduced our son to a new group of boys and us to world of a child who loves playing video games. A parent created a recurring Zoom call and then whoever was available to play got on the call. They played and talked and to be honest it was his his lifeline. During the week when he doesn't play video games, he would still get on the call during lunch breaks and in the afternoons. It was a really good way for him to socialize safely. It does require setting up a recurring Zoom call and having Zoom on the device on which Roblox is played or having a 2nd device.
Download Roblox Studio.
Roblox Studio is coding, design, game design and tech all in one. Learning how to build the games can also be interactive and done together via Zoom via share screen.
Learn a language.
Our son is continuing with German lessons. It means he has another Zoom call in the afternoons but it is conversational and with only 2 other children so it's engaging and fun. I have also found German television and movies available online which we allow during the week without limit. If your pre-teen is learning Spanish, French or Mandarin at school for example, and enjoying it, you can supplement those classes with more online instruction, tutoring, foreign language movies or media.
Make movies educational with movie guides.
Our kids are watching more movies. We all are. But you can make watching movies a whole afternoon activity or family activity with movie guides. These are PDF packets made by teachers that include assignments, projects and lessons based on the chosen movie. These can be done individually or you can get a small group of friends together. They each watch the movie at home and then you schedule a Zoom call to work on the packet. Some parent involvement is required to get this going but it is actually pretty fun and can also be used to get siblings of different ages to work together. Go to Teachers Pay Teachers and search for the name of the movie or simpy movie guides. Sort by grade and cost to filter more.
Start a virtual or small group book club.
Our son is a reluctant reader so I am not even suggesting this for him but I know a lot of young kids who LOVE to read. Starting a book club is a good way to get kids together. It can be done on Zoom or in person. Middle school ages kids can help to choose the books. This too takes some parent involvement to get going and may require a parental facilitator.
Start a virtual or small group documentary club.
There are so many wonderful documentaries - my watchlist keeps growing and growing. Dedicate one weekday day afternoon to movie/series watching but pick a documentary film or documentary series. You can pick a theme (Nature, Food, Environment, Space, Rockets, Artists, Music, etc) that interests your pre-teen. Maybe even watch it with them. This can also be done in a virtual group that meets on Zoom afterwards to discuss and talk about it. This too takes some parent involvement to get going and may require a parental facilitator. You can find my growing list of learning documentaries and movies here.
Choose a family project and work on it collectively or let them earn money working on it.
I notice with our pre-teen that he is somewhere in the in-between - wanting independence and autonomy, but wanting to be part of and seeking attention and loving one-on-one time with one or both of us. If you are able with work/life commitments, make the time to work on something together.
And finally, ideas for turning off the tech and getting them moving and outside...
Find a biking class.
Being in Marin means we have easy access to some incredible mountain bike trails. Biking outside is generally considered a safe group activity and in our area there are several summer camps that have extended their offerings. You can check your local bike store or Nextdoor for bike enthusiasts who may be offering bike rides in small groups. Some are also offering classes in bike maintenance and repair. And mud and wet make it all the more fun.
Join an outdoor education program.
Outdoor classes and programs are popping up all over the United States. Two local programs in the Bay Area are Trackers and Vilda. From knife skills to animal tracking to learning about local plants, these programs get kids outside, away from tech and into nature, moving their bodies and their minds. It might be a hard sell at first, but once they start, they are usually all in pretty quickly. If you are not close to the programs they offer, check for local schools or programs that are offering outdoor education pods or classes.
Let them earn some money.
The building of a PC is getting expensive so our son needed some ways to earn some money. He and his dad figured out how many hours he needed to "work" and then we came up with a list of things he could help with. We've talked about what it means to finish what you start, reading directions and assembly instructions first, cleaning up your tools/work area and doing things right the first way. Sounds a whole lot like things you need to do for school too and it certainly helped with my to-do list!
The last few years has been about rethinking everything. What learning is and what learning isn't has been a big one for parents and it will continue as more and more parents and communities are waking up the system of education in this country that is intrinsically broken. I've learned I just need to keep paying attention and doing the best that I can in whatever moment we are in. I've learned it's about finding a balance between being on the screen and putting it away. I’m learning to be ok with all my best intentions completely fall apart and I feel like I have to start all over again. I've learned that I have to turn off the tech and lead by example. And I've learned to embrace good enough.
Love,