It’s hard to know what tech topics to dive into - different ages and different kids and different families have different questions and concerns. I’ve decided to share what we are navigating in our home with two boys and Roblox has been one of the big challenges. Perhaps your kid(s) are younger and they may be requesting to play Roblox for the first time or maybe your kid(s) are older and you are pulling out your hair because of Roblox. This post may be more helpful for the former but perhaps for those of you with older kids who already play Roblox you too can find a nugget or two.
I remember our first encounter with Roblox. We were in a hotel in South Africa in 2018, our boys were 9 and 6. The hotel had a KidsRoom. It was huge space with an adult-on-duty and tables and crafts and board games and indoor swings and against one wall was a perfect-height-for kids long table with 8 shiny gaming computers. Want to guess where they landed?
The thing about being in a hotel with a KidsRoom and an adult-on-duty who is not one of you and long term traveling - it equals the ultimate luxury for all. Up to this point our boys hadn’t really played video games except Minecraft which we justified as “Legos online” and the 2 iPads we had while traveling with had no other video games on them. I’d never heard of Roblox but my husband had since he is the tech aficionado in our family. He did some research, sat down with them for a bit in the KidsRoom and gave the ok for them to go for it. I mean when in Rome, right? Needless to say for the rest of our travels, hotels with KidsRooms popped up occasionally and Roblox was always available and always a welcome treat for all of us.
When we returned home in August 2019, Roblox mania had happened here too while we were away. It became a shared language between young friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while and then in March 2020, 6 months after we returned home, and the world turned inside out, playing Roblox online, over Zoom with friends became a life line.
I actually don’t know how our now 8th grader would have survived 6th grade, online, in a new middle school, in the middle of a pandemic, without Roblox. He built friendships, he built games (with Roblox Studio) and he even spent time with his little brother. Weekends had structure with early morning playing and afternoon playing on both days and for a while, it all worked. Until it didn’t.
When lockdowns and regulations and rules and everything started to relax and being with people was ok again, we found ourselves in situations where the boys wanted to go home early from the beach or their friend’s house or the pool, in order to be home in time for Roblox time. That’s when we knew we needed to change something.
We tried all sorts of new rules from “how about this” to “let’s try this” but the weekend habits had gotten so entrenched that nothing was working. We were constantly disagreeing, constantly fighting and constantly giving in. In September 2022, our boys were playing 10-15 hours of Roblox a weekend. Not every weekend but many weekends. If your kids are little, this may seem unimaginable. If your kids are bigger, maybe this seems like nothing. Either way, it’s ok. If and when it’s not ok with you, you’ll find the energy to change it too.
On October 1, 2022 we started a 30-day family digital detox. With a rough first 5 days, a lot of very mopey moments and even more “But I’m so bored!!!” statements, after 4 months we landed back at Roblox playing which is allowed occasionally on occasional weekends. Instead we fill the time with other activities, family time, travels, other media content, play dates and ideas. We have found that it is easier to crowd out the tech use with other options than to change tech and device use with restrictive rules and habits. But this takes effort. It takes so much effort and it is a lot of work. But it’s effort that we are prioritizing, at least for now while we still can because it’s that important to us. When they played so much Roblox, they stopped creating, they stopped building, they stopped coming up with ideas on their own. For the dyslexic and/or ADHD brain, video games, even ones that seem innocuous, are the easy, quick dopamine fix and the stimulation they crave is instantly gratified.
It wasn’t easy but here are the 10 things we have learned by trial and error to get us to this place where playing Roblox is again a treat instead of an expectation:
It’s ok to respond with “I need to learn more” or “Let’s look at this together” to the requests to play video games. For us Fortnight was a hard no but Roblox was a yes so when they ask spend some time talking to them and deciding together which games you want to allow.
Sit down with your kid(s) and see what kind of games they are playing or what games they want to play. There are hundreds of games. Our boys know we don’t like shooting games and early on they respected this rule. I see these types of games creep in more now but they are older and they have earned our trust over the past few months with the new set of rules around Roblox time that makes it easier to give them some wiggle room.
Roblox is social. Let it be social, embrace that part. Playing in servers together - I think that means playing in games together is part of the allure. They negotiate, problem solve, create, take turns and compromise. To be honest, that for us is the best part of Roblox. It does require Zoom, FaceTime or some sort of chat function to make that happen. The social part does make it loud but we don't mind the loud because it means we can hear what they are up to.
Consider Roblox Studio - The other thing to consider in allowing Roblox play is downloading Roblox Studio. This allows them to actually learn to code and build their own games - which to us is more educational and interesting than the video games. Design for 30 minutes, play for 30 minutes.
Never buy Robux. Never, ever and ever. Not for birthdays, not for incentives, not ever. We had this as a rule when they first started, then caved during the pandemic and the never ending requests for more Robux for every possible reason under the sun were incessant. Because what you buy for one kiddo you then have to buy for both. We went back to a “Hard No” on buying Robux. It took a few weeks and then no more asking.
Consider saying no to them buying Robux with their own money as well. This might hit a nerve for some of you. But hear me out - buying Robux extends game times, makes some things accessible that aren’t accessible, makes Roblox cost something instead of it being free and it’s a bottomless pit. You will need to login into the account and add a credit card to buy Robux even if they are buying it with their own money and reimbursing you, so you will constantly be the middle person. Inexperienced players can blow $19.99 worth of Robux in 20 minutes, even less. How about going with them to a local arcade with their money instead?
Roblox content is intended for ages 13+. This makes me roll my eyes because Roblox is 100% marketed and targeted to children. So you will need to decide what this means for you. If on your Apple devices, you have Parental Controls set by age, the Roblox app is only available if set to 13+. This means all apps that are 13+ (which is all of them) will be available to them. We solved this by deleting any apps off their devices we didn’t want them to have access to and removing the App Store access. I recommend installing a parental control app like Bark if you are concerned about content and usage.
Consider limiting Roblox playing time by asking “How much time do you need to play 1 game or 2 games?” because the games do come to an end but if the alarm you set or screen time lock end comes when there are 3 minutes left in a game I can guarantee a total meltdown. Letting a game finish helps to ensure a smoother transition to turning it off.
Many parent coaches, pediatricians and law enforcement recommend keep gaming computers and devices in shared spaces like the living room or kitchen and not allowing any screen time in bedrooms with closed doors. Anyone with a teenager might be rolling their eyes right now. I know. But if you are just getting into the world of video games and devices, it’s worth having this rule, not just because of the online security factor but to combat the extreme isolation that can occur when children are in a room on a device, separate from what is happening in the rest of their family.
Consider not allowing Roblox/video game playing during actual in-person playdates/hang-outs when in your home. Virtual is great but in-person let them figure out how to play and imagine and create again without a device. Even pre-teens may appreciate this.
Pre-teens, teenagers and some temperaments even in younger kids are tricky when it comes to rules and regulations, dialing back and coming up with collaborate ideas with their parents. I have talked to a few friends who feel so overrun by video game usage with their boys and because of life circumstances, geography, social norms of their peers or language barriers, don’t see know how to dial back use or set new boundaries even though they desperately want to. For those setting up Roblox/video game playing rules in your home, remember it’s easier to loosen the reigns while keeping a firm grip than retightening them after you have dropped them. For those unhappy with the current Roblox/video game playing rules in your home, sit for a minute and figure out why you are frustrated or unhappy and see if you can choose one small habit change to focus on with your child(ren).
Video game usage and device use is never one and done. That’s probably the rub, right? We are busy and our lives are full and we don’t want to constantly address or attend to constantly changing tech wishes and device uses. But that is just part of parenting in a digital world unfortunately. Making peace with what you can control and letting go of the rest is a mantra I try to remember daily.
So now it’s your turn….what questions do you have a Roblox? Or other video games? What has worked for your family? What do you want to share with other parents?